dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
