Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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