We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
