party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
