So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
