I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
