i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
