i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
