he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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