you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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