The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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