I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
