I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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