last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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