I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
