you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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