No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
