bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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