are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
