I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
