I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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