Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
