hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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