nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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