this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
