Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
