tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
