I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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