One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
