i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
