I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
