i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
