I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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