I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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