I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
