We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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