two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
