I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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