he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am naked and annoyed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
