billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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