I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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