Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
