I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
