I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
