BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
