I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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