ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
