Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
