she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
