Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
