Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
