i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
