My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
