I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
