Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i believe in u and ur pee
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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